Lately, it’s been so easy to complain and feel like gobs of poo. I’ve been so ridiculously depressed, I’m depressed just thinking about it but I think I’m a little bit steady now. I always go through the same cycle: low feelings, sink hole of failure and destruction, anger, inexplicable happiness, sadness, emptiness and then the oven timer rings and I am done and back to what I think is normalcy. I’m a little optimistic saying this, but I hope that someday I’ll always be at the normalcy stage. Unfortunately, 26 years of this makes me doubt it.
But in the meantime, I’ve been preoccupying myself with adventures and socialization. Last Sunday, my friend Greta and I went to Joyland again. This time, we went before sunrise. The model was a no-show but we decided it was unnecessary to cancel because of that, after-all we did just wake up super early. When we finally set foot inside the abandoned park, it was wonderfully eery and downright frightful. Their were no sounds from the outside world. We were undisturbed by life, well aside from those pesky squirrels that I believe were making their best attempts to frighten us.
The park was definitely in far worse shape than the last time I had been there. The tilt-a-whirl was gone, the office building was completely burnt down and a lot of the ticket booths that were standing had been knocked down. I hate people. This is a wonderful place to go to and get lost but then their’s that percentage of stupid people that decide to go and fuck shit up for the sake of fucking shit up. I hate them, very much. It makes me want to punch them. Repeatedly. Sigh.
We ended up taking nothing but pictures of us being silly, because that’s what we’re best at. Well, that and being creepy. We decided to climb the roller coaster. I get a little nervous just thinking about. We climbed up to the farthest edge before it goes down and it was the scariest thing I’ve done in a long while. I’m terrified of heights. I’m not even sure where it came from, whether from my bad roller coaster experiences in Mexico or from my falling off a ladder. Wherever it came from, I hate it and wish it would disappear because I never was scared of heights but now I’m to the point where if my bladder was filled to the brim I would probably pee from fright. But fortunately, my friend Greta was able to walk me through while I crawled or she held my hand through it. It was terrible and had I not been so frozen in my spot I would have been smart enough to take a picture looking down for reference. Let’s just say it was high enough for me to die if I fell off from the rickety wooden boards. Alas, I survived and it was a great experience because I think you need to do stupid stuff like that sometimes. I reckon it’s a little reckless but, I repeat, sometimes you just need to do it. Regardless of how frightening the moment feels or is. Just do it, even if you look like a fool while doing it. . . because now, I can say I did it and it’s a way better feeling than regret.
Also, I absolutely love this photograph below. Haha. It’s us attempting to be fierce but proving that we are amazingly awkward. Rather than being fierce we ended up doing the broken neck and picking food off my teeth look. It’s wonderful.